Gods

If there is a god
You can find her in every early morning
When its just a little too cold,
And your just a little too tired
But contentedness leaks through every pore all the same as you
Stand, sit, inside, outside,
On a soft, worn old couch or cold leather car seats,
The day not begun and already over
The morning just this single moment,
You arent alone

If there is a god
You can feel him in the buzz of a crowded street after a celebration
The party still not over-how could it be, when were all still so close together?
Strangers and yet closer than family,
if only for this walk home.

If there is a god
It surely exists in the catharsis of a good cry,
Of letting it out,
Of letting yourself down
Of waking up tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
Surely it exists within you
When you decide you want to die,
When you beg yourself not to
Surely thats divinity,
The trying? The failing?
If there is such thing as a god.

If there is,
Maybe hes proud of you,
In the mcdonalds bathroom
And in your bed
And in someone elses
Maybe shes proud of you
Alone at night
Or surrounded by friends
Or surrounded by enemies
Maybe being proud of someone is unconditional
Maybe im proud of you too.
tags: religion, love, best of

To hold her hand

Finding in her the comfort of a rainy day
My head on her thigh, tea in hand
Laughing together
Me and her
Sunshine!
Oh, the sunshine found in a woman, oh the safety
Just to be near for a moment
How blessed am i
To hold her hand
tags: love, queer, my lover

Seeing your smile makes me so proud
Your gorgeous, darling, with the little smirk in the corner of your mouth
Your glittering eyes as you tell a joke,
As you gush about some silly, niche internet community
Ranting and raving at the front of the room
My heart fills with warmth, im so proud of you

Im so thankful i get to see your beauty
everyone else deserves it too
Your power, your confidence
Your gentle, warm light
It keeps me running, but more importantly
It leaves me feeling proud

Everything youve accomplished
Every good thing
Its all you deserve and more
All i need in life is to see your teeth
And your sparkling eyes
And the freckles on your cheeks
And for everyone else to see it too.
tags: love, relationships, my lover

My hands are rough
Gnawed to the bone by anxiety
I feel necrotic, decaying, half gone already
I am beneath cleanliness with these hands

My hands are rough, just like my voice
My body is smeared with dirt and blood
All ive ever wanted was to be soft and gentle
But i keep sinking deeper in the mud

Your hands are rough too
And when i hold them in mine i feel better
if you
Beautiful sunlit you
have so many scars, mine must be ok
tags: relationships, love

I dont know how to eat oranges

They stick out in my mind like
Dandelions
Like sunflowers
But i dont know how to eat them
I cant get my fingers into the tough skin
The juice drips and pools in my hands
Until it is nothing but a mess of bright color
And sticky syrup
But even still
I seek them out
Every time im at the store, i say,
“I love oranges!”
And rush to buy one, four, a bag
Always forgetting that they’ll lay rotten at the back of my kitchen cabinet

I think they are not a fruit meant to be eaten alone
The quintessential gesture of love,
Feeding someone orange slices.
When i was a child, i would see this on the tv
Two friends sharing an orange
A mother packing an orange for her child
Deftly skinning it, laying the pieces safe and bare
So their loved ones will be able to nourish themselves
Orange is the color of warmth
And nothing is warmer than a summer day with full bellies and sticky fingers
As long as i see an orange, i will know love
Even if i dont know how to eat them by myself
tags: relationships, love, food

I know you
In the eyes
In the way you wear your jacket
Or cut your hair
I know you
a glance that shows we have spent a thousand lifetimes
And a million conversations
Unspoken but powerful all the same
I know you
It only takes a second to find a family
And though we have never met
I know you
I know you love the same as i do
And in seeing you i know i will be alright
tags: love, queer